Some emotional weather we’re having, huh?

In Chicago and the rest of the Midwest, the weather has been p climate changey.

We got snow day after day for two weeks.

Then last week, the sun came out.

Everything started melting. 

House flooded, roofs collapsed.

It’s not great.

More banal:

As the snow melts, all of the shit buried under the snow became apparent.

Trash, discarded dibs items, literal shit.

Mud of various consistency.

Random things like upside down garbage cans. An unexpected number of toothbrushes.

This is one of my favorite times of the year, a true Midwest Ugly Pretty experience.

The sun is shining, people are outside, walking around, looking relieved.

But occasionally you look at the ground like “UGH! What is that?” 

Or you step in mud so deep it gets into your shoe.

The parallels to our current pandemic anniversary are very obvious. 

Implementation of the vaccine is close enough for many institutions and organizations to start mandating a return to“normal,” but that doesn’t mean we are any closer to it.

The things you learned about yourself, your relationships, what you need and want, might be clearer, but that doesn’t mean you’re ready to change.

You’re still dealing with the fallout of this year on your mental health, financial situation, social networks, family. 

Or maybe you’re more stable than you were, and that gives you space to deal with other things you didn’t have room to notice before.

Either way, part of our collective crisis is over. 

The snow is melting either way. 

—

I wrote this and then I sat here for like… two hours, trying to think of what comes next.

 That’s it? The snow melts either way?

That’s… not very helpful. 

I tried to think of a television show that encapsulated how fucked everything is right now, for so many people.

Some fiction that demonstrates how inadequate so many coping mechanisms, grounding tools, “Self-care” practices, “be nice to yourself” memes feel in the face of so much collective despair.

I couldn’t. 

At least, not any that made me feel better.

Something I’ve been thinking about lately — so much trauma informed, somatic experiencing, any emotion and body centered mental health modality you think of — many are based on recovery. 

On the idea that you can reexamine old patterns — because you’re no longer in survival mode.

But so many people in the world are never not in survival mode.

And right now, this time of HUGE change is peak survival mode.

The time when we are most trapped in fear, pain, and shame.

Looping through old cycles we haven’t gotten visits from in years.

That doesn’t mean we can’t change. But it means the change might feel… smaller than we would like.

We don’t break out of old habits overnight, or change what we don’t like about ourselves or a life in the span of a week, a month, or a full pandemic year.

If you feel stuck, trapped in a loop?

You don’t have to break the cycle right now. 

Or transform all of your pain into growth. 

Or solve all of the problems you’re dealing with today that make you feel like shit.

You don’t even have to do anything different today than you did yesterday.

All you have to do, is ask:

what’s underneath?