Here Come The Maladaptive Brain Loops

One time I asked a friend about their self mutilation habits in high school.

Idk. That’s something I like to do.

“Oh, I never did anything serious, like cutting,” they said.

“I would just stand in my closet and shut my hand in the door over and over again. Nothing crazy.”

Later, we talked about insomnia, and they mentioned they were unhappy with the amount of weed they consumed — the intensity, length, and frequency which with which they smoked.

“How long have you been smoking weed?” I asked, curious.

The question made them uncomfortable, as questions with answers that make us afraid often do.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe 10 or 12 years?”

“What did you do to fall asleep before weed?” I asked.

They shrugged.

“I guess, you know: hand, closet door.”

We judge ourselves so much for the ways we cope through our the day to day.

Even when things are good — even if we weren’t in ecologically devastating, algorithmically numbing late capitalism — we would still need to cope.

We would still need to wind up, wind down. Be present, less present.

No nervous system is precisely in alignment, in every moment.

Over the years, we develop ways of addressing this, with variant levels of suitability.

Some of these alignment methods become habit, well worn neurological loops.

Particularly when they are recurring, ritualistic, old.

We tend to downplay the power of these internal cues, the severity and intensity of our neural firings in comparison to our external environment.

Paradoxically, this means we ignore the ways our internal experience shape those externalities.

As a result, the coping mechanisms we use to get through each day tend to be things we talk about with reluctance, if not shame or derision.

But there’s nothing shameful about these patterns.

We encounter 3 bazillion** challenges to our nervous system every day — even the most grounded and un-chronically stressed of us.

Our world is filled with objects and narratives intentionally designed to hook you neurologically.

Attention and space are currency. Our levels of chemical overwhelm are deeply linked to status, power, and level of security.  Maladaptive brain loops are intentionally addictive and play on hierarchy, part of a competitive technological marketplace designed to extract your consumer data.

Writing it out sounds paranoid, or even a little Jordan Peterson pseudo evolutionary biology, but it’s true.

We enter these patterns every minute of the day, even if we don’t think about it anymore because those brain loops are working as designed (allowing us to complete a habit unconsciously, expending less mental energy).

In our world, multiple maladaptive deeply wired patterns are basically a given.

Brain loops are part of having a nervous system: not all of the ones we go through on a day to day basis are hijacked by technology. Maybe calling them hijacked by technology at all is a huge misnomer, since they’ve shaped internal experience as long as we’ve had a vagus nerves.

Why does any of this matter — particularly in relationship to my friend shutting their hand in the door as a emo teen?

+ It’s a set up for a really good bit about teen girls being the ultimate alpha male.

(Alpha Male YouTube: “self-mutilation  mimics the adrenaline rush of the bison hunt. That’s why God Tier aloha males play Evanescence while they do it — echoing ancient rituals of the hunt.”)

+ It’s a scientific reason to be nice to yourself — about any ritual, brain loop, addiction, or closet door practice you feel bad about.

- H

PS — I got a new job, so my own brain loops, particularly the ones around “being too panicked to write” might change!

Or not.

How’s your nervous system doing?

Anything you’re proud of lately?