Harm Reduction Cult Behavior

My friend Taylor and I made a pact for 2021.

It’s simple.

A single rule to guide all of our choices.

Don’t Join a Cult in 2021. 

No cults!

Simple! 

And yet… in the midst of the ecological devastation of the pending apocalypse, our Weimar Republic 2.0 democracy, the continuing global pandemic, NOT joining a cult is harder than it sounds.

Nobody wakes up one morning like “Hey, you know what would be dope? Completely erasing my sense of self in service to a higher purpose and or destroying my self trust.”

And yet: abusive spiritual leaders, right wing conspiracy groups, toxic social change institutions, celebrity yoga instructors, and run of the mill regular cults continue to thrive. 

So it’s harder than it sounds, not joining a cult.

Having accountability with Taylor is helpful.

“You know, I was thinking, I’m not really doing anything, so maybe I should salt,“ I say. “Or go back to working for organizing groups, at least for a little while.” Taylor doesn’t say anything.

“You know what?” I say another time. “I was looking at this YouTube channel, and there’s a guy that teaches Holotrophic breathwork in Alberta. You can take courses with him if you move to his isolated ranch and do farmwork for him for free.” 

Taylor doesn’t saying anything.

They don’t have to.

Our pact is present in the silence.

Do not join a cult.

At least, not until 2022.

—

When I think of cults, I don’t associate that word with the literal definition. (plenty of people have written about the trauma and horror of institutional cults.) 

Instead, I’m thinking about a feeling.

The times when I’ve felt most rigid and self-righteous in my beliefs. 

Ready and willing to do anything, whatever it took, to achieve a purpose (one determined by someone else). 

This special cult feeling isn’t connected to a specific type of institution, group, or project.

I’ve felt sleep deprived, selfless, rabid in my belief in spaces where plenty of people around me were using discernment, acting with self love and integrity. You can have the cult-y feeling without joining a literal cult at all.

But here’s the thing: that feeling, whether it was driving my devotion to an toxic relationship or making me feel weak for not getting arrested for the movement?

It feels awesome. 

Being in a cult feels awesome. 

It’s soothing to have a fundamental sense of purpose prescribed through structure, doctrine, and authority. 

It’s way easier than building a sense of structure, values, for yourself in a twisted up uncertain morally grey world. 

There are many ways having a cult in your life, even one anathema to your survival, not only feels great, but can be really motivating.

Struggling with procrastination? Well, you have a higher purpose now, time to get moving.

Feeling aimless, unworthy, like you aren’t contributing anything to the world? That’s great, can you do a canvassing shift tomorrow at 4 am?

Are you lonely?  Well, you won’t be lonely after you spend the next 48 hours solving this sudden political crisis.

And, if you have a problem with this structure, any of the rules here… Well, have you ever considered that might be because of issues with your father?

Indecision, uncertainty, self hate — all of it disappears. 

Having a sense of purpose, unwavering and unexamined beliefs, community, accountability — hell yes, dude. 

When do we leave for Heaven’s Gate?

—

Noah jokes that during the pandemic I need to monitor my YouTube algorithm diligently.

With so many ways to become an extremist while I’m living alone, he says at any moment I could go from watching bowhunting videos to a QAnon diehard. 

He’s not wrong. And maybe that’s why I am remembering that culty feeling with so much nostalgia.

Did it ruin my life over and over again?

Keep me from acting with power, feeling helpless in situations where I knew what was happening was wrong? 

Sure!  

But for a while — it felt awesome.

I got a lot done.

—

So here’s a moderated approach.

In short: harm reduction cult behavior.

A cult experience — a sensory emotional stopgap where you get the awesome cult feeling in moderation. Without holding up a pizza place or becoming a white supremacist.

One friend listens to a podcast by a comedian and reluctant guru who she says reminds her of addicts in her childhood. The podcaster’s ideas about the world are sometimes alarming, but she has a manner of speaking that resonates with my friend on a deep sensory level.

That’s harm reduction cult behavior.

When I feel like I am losing my shit, when I am activated and have not left the house in a alarming number of days, I end up asking Tarot cards to make the most baseline decisions for me.

For over a month I was determined to start writing romance novels, convinced this was the only way to use all of my overwhelming feelings and compulsive need to write a jillion words a day to build a sustainable financial future.

Every single time I asked the cards, no matter how many ridiculous SEO heavy articles I read about microniching erotica, the cards’ were like “three of swords, the moon reversed, the hermit reversed, the tower reversed, bro stop trying to escape your life.”

Harm reduction cult behavior. 

Other people might call this something else — faith, community, guidance, in search of truth. Basic human needs everyone deserves, that don’t need to be stigmatized or grouped in with extremism.

Whatever. 

It’s harm reduction cult behavior.

And, at least until 2022, it’s as close as I’m going to get to joining a cult.

What’s yours?